Letting go ...
Learning to let go is one of the hardest things about being a parent. Smothering them in cotton wool is easy. Not letting them do anything that makes you uncomfortable as a parent ... piece of cake.
A, the little girl from next door came over for a sleepover with S last night. A is six, and was escorted to our front door by her mother. Whenever S goes over to play at A's house, the MOTH or I stand at the front window and watch her walk down the front steps, along the foot path and up the front steps at their house ... allowing her the independence she needs, but with the supervision we need too.
S came home from A's house with two new friends. A little boy and girl who live a few houses down the road. Their parents don't know us, we don't know them. Apparently their parents were not in the slightest bit concerned that their children were either next door, or that they then came here without going home to ask permission first. I would say that perhaps the little boy was five, certainly no more than six.
Yesterday morning, as usual, we went to the butcher. I had some letters that needed posting, so the MOTH suggested the rugrats take them to the Post Office ... across the pedestrian crossing and about three shops down on the other side of the road. He stood at the window of the butcher and watched them the whole way while I tried to buy a lamb roast. I think I only asked "can you still see them, are they OK ?" about four times in the three minutes they were gone.
There is a little boy in K's class at school ... nice kid, very polite, pleasure to be around. He lives about three blocks from our house. I've seen him by himself at the supermarket 3km away, and riding his bike down our street at 8.30 at night.
I've worked really hard to get my rugrats to the point where they are now. It would be far easier to let them ride their bikes or walk to school than it is for me to drive them there. It would be a lot simpler to allow them to go play at the park on the corner than it would be to make the effort to take them, even when pushing a swing is the last thing in the world I feel like doing.
Does that make me protective ... or paranoid ?
posted by Kassi @ 2:48 PM
5 Comments:
It makes you neither as far as I'm concerned. I STILL take my boys to school when I'm not working the early shift...and you know what ages they are lol
Often when I drive down my street, I see two littlies crossing the road...running across in a hurry, but very mindful of the traffic. They must be all of 5 or 6 years old. I would never have allowed my children to walk to school on their own at that age, let alone cross the street alone, even on a pedestrian crossing (which there isn't in my street).
We let go, inch by inch, giving them their independence, as much as we feel THEY need, and as much as WE can cope with at the time. It certainly gets easier as they get older, but it doesn't stop you from having the fear that something could go wrong either to or from school. We're always going to want to protect our children. I guess the best we can do is to slowly release those strings and show them the best way to protect themselves too.
My boys bring home friends from school, sometimes a couple of them stay much later than I would like either of my two to be out. I don't know their parents, they don't know me...I could be cooking up P in the kitchen for all they know!
Hey, given the fact that I have teenagers...maybe it's ME that's the paranoid parent here that can't let go. And if you think you are too...come join my club...that would ensure I was in great company!
You know, I was thinking about this while sitting in the car just now, waiting to pick Ryan up from work (my baby has a job! it was his first night! KFC, oh noooo! lol)...anyway, I thought I better come and check to see if you'd said "Does that make me TOO protective ... or paranoid?"
The more I thought about it the more I had to look, because I remembered what I'd said in my first sentence. And crap, I got it wrong lol...but now that you know what I thought I'd read, I hope this all makes some sense!
LOL. I'd be very proud to be a member of your club if it means I'm going to be doing as great a job of parenting my kids when they're teenagers as you are :)
I think that makes you neither protective nor paranoid. It makes you a parent. So many people think that parenting is simply the act of actually having parents. I remember having to call home if I was alte even when I was 16. It wasn't that my parents were syping, but rather that they cared. Msot parents could do with being a little more "paranoid" these days.
I'd say you're doing just fine. Rarely was a well raised and monitored child ever caught doing anythign horrifying. It's the ones that come and go as they please and are allowed free run of teh world that get into trouble. I'm still trying to figure out this crazy world we live in at 31, so what makes people thinks that their kids can hack it much younger?
just treat them both the same when theyre older
at the age theyre at now i think youre doing about the right thing.
I live in a suburb full of indigenous australians who let their kids roam at all hours (not saying this is a problem unique to them just that HERE its a problem) - little kids as young as 3 or 4 wandering about at 10pm on the road , anywhere. sad
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